PARSONS OS v2026.04
system/user_profile.sys

Mark Parsons

Brantford, Ontario, Canada — Uptime: 6+ decades

Computer technician. Technology helper. Lifelong Leafs fan operating on an endless loop of hope and heartbreak. I fix machines so people don't have to fight with them alone.

system/services.exe
[PC]

Computer Repair

Broken screen, won't boot, blue screen of death — if it's got a motherboard, I've seen it before.

[NET]

Network Setup

Wi-Fi that actually works. Networks configured right the first time, not the fifth.

[HELP]

Tech Support

Patients over problems. I'll walk you through it at a pace that makes sense to you.

[DATA]

Data Recovery

Deleted files, failed drives, corrupted systems. Your memories deserve a second chance.

system/leafs_regret.dll — loaded since birth
"A Leafs fan's lifelong operating system of regret. It installs itself automatically. There is no uninstall option."

Every spring, the same process runs. Hope initializes. Expectations load. The playoffs start. Then—crash. Blue screen. Reboot. Try again next year. It's the most reliable system failure I know, and I'm a computer technician.

1967 Last Stanley Cup
∞ Times Hoped
0 Times Delivered
100% Still Watching
SECURITY WARNING — alert_level: CRITICAL
🛡 Scammers Can Get Bent

I have zero patience for computer scammers. They prey on the vulnerable, the elderly, the people who just need help. If someone called you claiming to be from Microsoft and your computer is "infected" — hang up. They're lying.

  • Microsoft will never call you about a virus on your computer.
  • No legitimate company demands payment via gift cards or cryptocurrency.
  • If someone says your computer is "making a noise" over a call, they're bluffing.
  • Pop-ups telling you to call a number to fix your PC are the scam itself.
  • If it sounds too urgent to be real, it is.
> If you think you've been scammed, reach out. I'll help you sort it out. No judgment, no rush.
system/social_media — DISABLED

I am not on Facebook. I am not on Twitter. I have no interest in either. If you need to reach me, use the email below. That's the only protocol that matters.

system/contact_protocol.exe

Need help with a computer? Want to talk tech? Got a question?

mrparsons@gmail.com

Brantford, Ontario — Available by appointment