Hi. I'm Mark. I fix computers. (Someone has to.)
Welcome to my corner of the internet — sarcasm included at no extra charge. I'm a computer technician based in Brantford, Ontario, and I've spent more years than I care to admit helping good people deal with bad technology. Whether your laptop is slower than a Leafs powerplay or your hard drive sounds like it's auditioning for a percussion ensemble, I'm here to help.
I take computers seriously. I take customer service seriously. The Leafs, however, have repeatedly made it impossible to take them seriously. We press on.
🤖 Why does this site look different every day?
This page is regenerated daily by an AI model. Find out why, what that means, and why it's actually pretty cool — even by a computer geek's standards.
🔧 What I Do
- Laptop & desktop repair
- Virus & malware removal (more fun than it sounds)
- Performance upgrades — RAM, SSD, the works
- Network setup & troubleshooting
- Data recovery & backup solutions
- Patient, jargon-free help for anyone who finds technology baffling
- On-site visits in the Brantford area
- Cloud setup, email, and general "why isn't this working" therapy
👤 About Mark
I've been taking computers apart since it was considered a weird hobby rather than a career path. Somehow the hobby won. I'm based in Brantford, Ontario — yes, the Wayne Gretzky city, which gives us exactly one thing to brag about locally (and it has nothing to do with the Leafs, thank you very much).
I genuinely enjoy helping people with technology. I know that sounds like something you'd read on a marketing brochure, but I mean it — there's real satisfaction in watching someone go from frustrated to confident about their devices. Plus it keeps me from spending every waking hour tinkering with my home lab, which my family insists is a problem.
Contact:
✉️ mrparsons@gmail.com
⚠️ PERIODIC FAKE SCAM ADVISORY (Very Real Advice, Questionable Presentation)
If a pop-up is telling you that your computer is infected and you MUST call 1-800-DEFINITELY-NOT-A-SCAM right now or your files will be deleted in 60 seconds — close the browser. Your files are fine. The pop-up is the problem. Windows will not lock your computer and demand Bitcoin. The FBI does not send alerts via Chrome. If you're unsure, call me. I will be approximately 800% calmer than whatever that pop-up is doing.
🖥️ The Gospel of Proxmox VE
Let's be honest: Proxmox is not just a hypervisor. It is a lifestyle. A calling. A reason to add another server to the rack and tell your significant other it was "on sale." I run my home lab on Proxmox, and I will not apologize for the electricity bill.
- Thou shalt always take a snapshot before doing something questionable
- Thou shalt not run production workloads without redundancy and also maybe pray
- Live migration is the closest thing to magic that exists in computing
- The ZFS pool is healthy. The user is not. These are unrelated.
- A home lab that isn't over-engineered is just a regular computer and that's sad
🐕 Official Position on Dogs
This site operates under a strict editorial policy: dogs are good. Dogs are noble. Dogs are, in many ways, morally superior to operating systems, cable management practices, and playoff hockey teams that shall remain nameless.
If you bring your dog to a service call, I will acknowledge the dog first. This is non-negotiable. The computer can wait. The dog cannot.
— Mark Parsons, Computer Technician & Dog Advocate
🏒 A Leafs Fan's Lifelong Operating System of Regret
Being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan is, fundamentally, a technology problem. Every year, the system boots up with incredible promise. The specs look great on paper. The architecture seems sound. And then, somewhere around the second round of playoffs — or more accurately, the first round, because we're being honest here — everything crashes with an error message no one can explain.
I have been running this operating system since childhood. I have tried patches, reinstalls, and the occasional hard reboot via sports talk radio. Nothing helps. The core issue appears to be hardcoded. I remain, inexplicably, a fan. This is my cross to bear. I fix computers for a living. I cannot fix this.
* Hope index resets to maximum every September, regardless of prior year performance. This is a known bug. There is no patch.
🔔 REMINDER: Computer Scammer Awareness (Mandatory, Recurring, Apparently)
"Windows has detected a problem" — real Windows does not call you. "Your IP address has been flagged" — not a thing. "We need remote access to fix your security" — absolutely not. "You owe the CRA $3,000 and must pay in iTunes gift cards" — I genuinely cannot believe this still works on anyone, and yet here we are. When in doubt: hang up, close the browser, call someone you trust. I am available. The scammers are also available, but they are less helpful and more criminal.
📍 Service Area
Based in Brantford, Ontario. I serve Brantford and surrounding areas. Remote support available for issues that don't require me to physically interact with your hardware.
If you're local, on-site visits are available. If you're in another province, I'm flattered that you found this website.
💬 My Philosophy
Technology should work for you, not the other way around. I explain things in plain language because jargon is for people who want to sound important, not for people who want to actually help.
No judgment. Everyone starts somewhere. The only dumb question is the one you didn't ask while the scammer was still on the phone.
🤖 This Site Is Weird
Yes, this site is regenerated daily by an AI. Yes, that means it looks different every time. No, I don't fully control what it says about me — though so far, it's been surprisingly accurate about the Leafs situation.