Mark Parsons — Computer Technician & Reluctant Tech Support
Yes, Mark's first computer was an Atari 800XL. Yes, he typed programs in by hand from magazine listings. Yes, some of them worked. (Most did not.)
From that glorious beige machine, he has graduated to fixing every terrible device you've managed to infect with toolbar after toolbar. Based in Brantford, Ontario, Mark has been making technology behave for longer than Windows 95 has existed — though he'll tell you Windows 95 was the pinnacle of human achievement.
He fixes computers. He helps people. He does it with a straight face. Mostly.
Mark is, to put it diplomatically, careful with money. He'll use a paper clip before he buys a new cable organizer. He once comparison-shopped printer paper for forty-five minutes to save $1.20. He found the deal. He always finds the deal.
His nephews, however? Absolutely zero expense spared. Top-shelf gaming rigs, latest gear, best of everything. Apparently the frugality gene is recessive when nephews are involved.
"Mark will reuse a zip-tie six times, but when his nephews need something — a graphics card, a new headset, whatever — the credit card comes out before the question is finished."
— Observed by literally everyone who knows him. Documented. Consistent. Inexplicable.Virus & Malware Removal
Yes, all those toolbars count as malware. He's not judging. (He is judging.)
Speed & Performance
He will make your computer fast again without making you buy a new one. You're welcome.
Hardware Repair
Broken screen, dead drive, keyboard full of crumbs — he's seen worse. Way worse.
Setup & Configuration
New computer? He'll have it working properly before you've made a coffee.
Network & Wi-Fi
"The internet is slow" is not a problem. He'll find the actual problem.
General Tech Help
If it plugs in and you're confused, bring it. He's heard stranger questions. He won't confirm which.
| Stat | Value |
|---|---|
| First Computer | Atari 800XL — and it was glorious |
| Favourite OS | Windows 95 (officially, spiritually, irrevocably) |
| Base of Operations | Brantford, Ontario, Canada |
| Frugality Rating | 9.8/10 — drops to 0.1 when nephews are present |
| Sarcasm Level | Chronic. Harmless. Occasionally helpful. |
| Contact | mrparsons@gmail.com |
This page is actually regenerated every single day by an AI.
Yes, that means it looks different every time you visit. Yes, it's a real person's website. Yes, it's a demonstration of how far AI has come. No, Mark didn't write any of this copy himself. He agreed with all of it though.
Read the Full Explanation →