$ echo "Need help?" | mail -s "Contact" mrparsons@gmail.com
Computer Technician | Brantford, Ontario, Canada
:: Fixing machines since before Y2K was cool ::

$ cat about_mark.txt

Greetings, traveler. You've reached the digital homestead of Mark Parsons, a computer technician operating out of Brantford, Ontario. I've been navigating the silicon frontier since the days of dial-up modems, BBS door games, and when sudo was just a polite suggestion.

Whether your machine is possessed by malware demons, suffering from thermal throttling, or simply needs a caring hand to guide it back to productivity — I'm your guy. No problem too obscure, no legacy hardware too vintage.

→ Why Does This Site Exist? ←

Discover the story behind this AI-generated experiment and how this page changes daily.

$ ls -la /vault/sacred_hardware/

⚡ 3dfx Voodoo 1 ⚡

Behold! The 3dfx Voodoo 1 — a legendary relic from the golden age of PC gaming. This magnificent piece of silicon wizardry brought true 3D acceleration to the masses. GLQuake at a smooth framerate? MAGIC. Pure, unadulterated magic.

If you have one, protect it. Frame it. Speak of it only in hushed, reverent tones. This card walked so that modern GPUs could run (and cost significantly more than your first car).

$ ./list_services.sh

Note: I can also help you transition away from Apple products. Yes, I know the new MacBook is "revolutionary." And yes, I know it costs roughly the same as a reliable used car. Sometimes courage means keeping your headphone jack AND your savings account.

$ cat ~/.philosophy

♥ Family First ♥

In this age of hustle culture and LinkedIn flex posts, let me be clear: family matters more than status. More than follower counts. More than having the latest flagship phone. The people who love you don't care about your job title — they care about YOU being present.

🐕 On Dogs 🐕

Dogs are good and noble beings. This is not up for debate. They are loyal, they are pure, and they will sit beside you at 3 AM while you're debugging code without ever judging your variable naming conventions.

$ cat favorite_food.txt
Homemade pizza. Nothing fancy, nothing pretentious. Good dough, quality toppings, made with care. Like good tech support, really — the fundamentals done right.

🎵 For the full retro experience, feel free to imagine some chiptune-style ambience or classic sound effects playing in the background. Maybe the click of a mechanical keyboard, the whir of a floppy drive, or the satisfying "you've got mail" notification. Sound effects are optional but fitting. 🎵