Mark Parsons
Computer Technician — Brantford, Ontario, Canada 🍁
COINS: JUST KEEPING THE LIGHTS ON WORLD: BRANTFORD → THE INTERNET LIVES: ∞ (I BACK UP EVERYTHING)
🏒 TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS — eternal hope since birth   •   🏈 HAMILTON TIGER-CATS — GO CATS GO   •   ⚾ TORONTO BLUE JAYS — still believe   •   🏒 BRANTFORD HAS AN NHL TEAM NOW (GO BULLDOGS!)   •   🍕 HOMEMADE PIZZA NIGHT IS ALSO A SPORT   •   🎮 SMB3 WORLD 4: GIANT LAND = BEST WORLD, FIGHT ME

Who Is This Guy?

Retro Tech Canadian Sports Family First

Hey. I'm Mark Parsons. I fix computers. I live in Brantford, Ontario — yes, the birthplace of Wayne Gretzky, the telephone (thanks, Bell), and, apparently, at least one fairly decent computer technician. I'm not here to impress you with marketing speak. I'm here to fix your stuff and explain it in plain English.

"This site will not tell you Mark is a 'ninja,' a 'guru,' or a 'wizard.' He is a person who understands computers and would rather solve your problem than charge you to look confused. Authenticity over hype. Always."

I went to Pauline Johnson Collegiate and Vocational School right here in Brantford — great school, named after an even greater poet. After that I studied at the University of Waterloo, which is full of brilliant people and a suspicious number of people who wear the same hoodie every single day. (It's a good hoodie, I get it.)

📍 Based in Brantford, ON  |  💻 Computer Repair  |  🤝 Real human. Real help.

My philosophy: technology should work for you, not the other way around. If your computer is giving you grief, call me. If your printer is possessed — and they often are — definitely call me. I've exorcised more printers than you've had hot suppers.

  • Brantford, Ontario local — born and raised (and still here, voluntarily)
  • Graduate of Pauline Johnson Collegiate — Go Eagles! (or whatever the mascot is, I'll look it up)
  • University of Waterloo alumnus — survived
  • Favourite food: homemade pizza. Not delivery. Not frozen. Homemade. There is a difference.
  • Sports teams: Maple Leafs, Tiger-Cats, Blue Jays — a trifecta of hope and patience
  • Favourite video game world: World 4 of Super Mario Bros. 3 — Giant Land is objectively elite
  • Will absolutely explain what a "driver" is without making you feel bad for not knowing

What I Can Fix (Spoiler: Probably Your Thing)

No job too small. No question too basic. I genuinely enjoy this stuff, which is either a blessing or a personal quirk — the jury is still out. Either way, you benefit.

💻

PC & Laptop Repair

Slow? Broken? Making a noise like a small helicopter? I can help.

🦠

Virus & Malware Removal

Your computer should not be working for someone else. Let's fix that.

Speed Upgrades

SSDs, RAM, cleanup. Like a Super Star for your machine — but it lasts.

🔒

Security Setup

Passwords, backups, protection. Old-school Canadian stubbornness applied to your data.

📡

Networking & WiFi

If your internet is slow or spotty, that's a solvable problem. Probably.

🤷

"I Don't Know What's Wrong"

Totally fine. That's literally why I'm here. Bring it. All of it.

💬 Not sure if I can help? Email me anyway: mrparsons@gmail.com

Canadian Sports: The Section You Didn't Ask For

Look, if you clicked on "Services" you got business. This section is personal. I'm a Canadian guy who watches hockey in the winter, baseball in the summer, and football whenever the Tiger-Cats give him a reason to pay attention. Which is more often than people give them credit for.

The Maple Leafs situation is complicated. I have feelings. I will not be elaborating further at this time.

"Mark does not claim his sports opinions are correct. He claims they are his, and that is good enough. If you want to debate hockey over a computer repair, he is entirely open to this. Just bring coffee."

On the topic of Brantford: yes, Wayne Gretzky is from here. Yes, people still mention it constantly. Yes, it still counts. The Brantford Bulldogs play right here in town now, which is legitimately exciting and not just because it's local hockey. It's actually good hockey.

Fun fact that nobody asked for: If you stacked all the hours I've spent watching the Maple Leafs not win the Stanley Cup, you could install approximately 4,700 operating systems. I choose to live with this information.

Family First — And Homemade Pizza

The "Family First" part of this site's vibe isn't marketing. It's just how I operate. I grew up in Brantford, my roots are here, and the reason I do this work locally — rather than some remote job for a faceless corporation — is because I'd rather help my neighbours than optimize quarterly synergies for someone in a building I'll never visit.

On Friday nights, barring a computer emergency or a Maple Leafs playoff game (rare, but occasionally relevant), we make homemade pizza. Not ordered. Not from a box. Made. From dough. This is non-negotiable. If you call at 6pm on a Friday and I don't pick up, I am covered in flour and doing something important.

🍕 Homemade pizza tip, free of charge: put a thin layer of olive oil under the sauce. You're welcome. That's better advice than most things on the internet.

This site has a retro tech feel because that's genuinely where I came from — tinkering with old machines, figuring things out the slow way, learning by breaking things and fixing them again. There's no substitute for actually knowing how something works. Super Mario Bros. 3 taught me that persistence and power-ups both matter. (The Tanooki Suit is still the best power-up. This is not up for debate.)

Absurd but true: I once fixed a computer that had been "repaired" by someone who used packing tape to hold the RAM in place. It worked. Briefly. This is a cautionary tale and also somehow a love story about human ingenuity.

Curious About This Site?

This website exists for a reason that's a bit more interesting than "Mark needed a homepage." There's an actual story behind it involving AI, daily regeneration, and a genuine experiment in what technology can do in 2026.