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★ MARK PARSONS ★

[ COMPUTER TECHNICIAN // BRANTFORD, ON, CANADA ]

Fixer of PCs. Tamer of printers. Reluctant explainer of "have you tried turning it off and on again."

▶ Status: ONLINE

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► ABOUT.TXT

Hi. I'm Mark. I fix computers. Yes, even that computer. The one your nephew built in 2012 that sounds like a jet engine and runs Windows updates from the Obama administration.

Based in Brantford, Ontario, I help real humans with real tech problems — slow laptops, mysterious pop-ups, the printer that has personally wronged you, Wi-Fi that only works in the kitchen, and the modern miracle of "I clicked something and now everything is in Spanish."

I'm not going to pretend any of this is glamorous. But it works, and you'll get your computer back without a lecture.

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► SERVICES.EXE

★ Virus & malware removal (the genuine article — not an "agent" calling from "Microsoft")
★ Laptop & desktop tune-ups, upgrades, SSD swaps
★ Data recovery and backup setup (before the inevitable, not after)
★ Home network & Wi-Fi help that doesn't involve standing on a chair
★ Patient, plain-English tech tutoring for actual humans

► PUBLIC SERVICE BULLETIN — ANTI-SCAM TIPS

I see a lot of scams in this job. Here are the greatest hits, free of charge, because nobody should lose their savings to a pop-up window.

1. Microsoft will NOT call you. Neither will Apple, Google, or "the Windows Department." If a pop-up tells you to call a number — close the browser. Don't call. Ever.

2. No legitimate company asks for gift cards. Not the CRA, not Amazon, not your "grandson stuck in jail." If gift cards enter the conversation, the conversation is a scam.

3. Don't let strangers "remote in" to your computer. If you didn't initiate the call to a person you actually trust, the answer is no.

4. Slow down. Scammers create panic on purpose. "Act now" is the sound of a wallet being emptied. Hang up and call someone you trust — like, say, a local computer technician who has a webpage that mentions this exact thing.

5. When in doubt, ask. Email me a screenshot. I will tell you, free of charge, whether it's real. I would much rather answer ten "is this a scam?" emails than help recover one drained bank account.

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► WAIT, WHY DOES THIS WEBSITE LOOK LIKE THIS?

Excellent question. The short version: this entire site is regenerated by an AI every single day, so today it's apparently anime BBS-core, and tomorrow it might be a minimalist Swiss design or look like a 1998 GeoCities tribute. I have given up trying to predict it.

The long version is on the next page, which I suggest you read before you assume I personally chose to put sparkles on my own face.

▶ READ: WHY THIS SITE EXISTS ◀

(It explains the daily regeneration, that I am in fact a real person, and links to the archive of every previous version of this page.)

► CONTACT.BAT

If your computer is doing something it shouldn't, or not doing something it should:

✉ EMAIL MARK ? WHY THIS PAGE

Serving Brantford and surrounding area. Reasonable rates. No condescension included.

┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CONNECTION: SECURE NODE: BRANTFORD-01 USER: YOU │ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘